What do others take away from their conversations with us?
Part of the work I’ve done the past 20 years has involved auditing other people’s conversations. I’ve listened carefully to sales calls, customer service requests and receptionist greetings. The purpose is to provide skills and ideas to improve these interactions as they happen. But there is another, often more important, way to measure the success of a conversation.
What did the other person carry away from it?
Every Conversation Leaves Something Behind
It might be a positive impression, happiness, relief, encouragement, discomfort, disappointment, frustration, etc. And this residue can last much longer than we realize.
Two Examples:
- Earlier this year I received a message on LinkedIn relating to a training session I delivered several years ago. The individual quoted one sentence I shared during the webinar and thanked me for the positive impact it has made on their career.
- On a personal level, I’ve been bombarded with advice these past few years. It is well-intentioned, but when I haven’t asked for advice, what remains is not what was offered, but the feeling that my judgement and intelligence go unacknowledged.
We can all think of conversations that inspired us and others that left us feeling unheard and dismissed. What remains is not the specific words of a conversation, but how they made us feel and what changed as a result.
Consider what’s left behind in these conversations:
- Does a client feel more confident in you and your organization?
- Does an employee understand what’s expected and believe they can achieve it?
- Does a prospect, even though they may not buy immediately, feel they can trust you?
- Does a colleague leave a meeting with greater clarity about what happens next?
- Someone having a difficult day: Did your attention make their day slightly easier, or did your impatience add to their distress?
Conversation Goals
It makes sense to me that when our 2026 Real-Time Business Conversation Index revealed that 98% of business leaders believe real-time conversations are critical to their business success, while only 11% believe they happen exceptionally well, that the aftermath of conversations is contributing to this conversation gap.
Not every conversation has to make the other person feel better. The outcome can be that it makes them more knowledgeable, more confident, less stressed.
The challenge is that we often enter conversations focused almost exclusively on ourselves. We’re thinking:
- What do I need to say?
- What information do I need?
- What outcome do I want?
- How do I sound?
- How quickly can I finish this?
It’s true that business conversations usually have an objective. The challenge is combining this with an understanding of what will be left behind. The salesperson can make the sale while making the customer feel pressured. The manager can deliver the instructions while making the employee feel insignificant. The customer-service representative can answer the question while making the customer feel like an inconvenience.
Creating a valuable conversation doesn’t necessarily mean having a longer conversation. Sometimes it’s adding one simple question: “Is there anything else you need from me?” Or including recognition: “You handled that really well.” Or creating clarity: “Before we finish, let’s make sure we’ve agreed on what happens next.”
And often, it’s about attention, truly listening to the other person instead of preparing our responses.
What do people consistently take away from conversations with you?
Mindset Shift
Success isn’t measured by what we say; it’s measured by what the other person takes with them.
Try This This Week
Before one important conversation each day, ask yourself: “What do I want to leave behind?”
Maybe it’s:
- confidence
- clarity
- knowledge
- encouragement
- trust
- a useful challenge
- a clear next step
Then, after the conversation, ask: “Did I?”
Long after our words are forgotten, something from the conversation may remain. We can be more deliberate about what we leave behind.
