For 20 years, I’ve worked with new business owners, helping them map out the growth of their companies. Consistently, regardless of their product or service, they’ve told me the same thing: They don’t want to sell.
This was echoed recently in our 2026 Real-Time Business Conversation Index when one respondent shared:
“We are limiting our growth potential because no one on our team ‘wants’ to do the selling.”
It seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it? I mean, owners and teams believe their product is strong, their service is valuable, and their company has significant potential. Yet they push back when I tell them that they are going to have to sell.
Why does this happen?
I’ve discovered the reason by asking one question: “What do you think it means to sell?”
Most of the time, people share with me a deeply held but flawed assumption.
The word selling conjures up images they’ve seen in movies, plays, and on social media. They believe that it involves aggressive tactics, pressure and manipulation. (Think of the 2013 movie The Wolf of Wall Street.)
When someone believes they have to adopt these behaviours in order to sell, it makes perfect sense that they would say, “No way.”
While that version of selling does exist, it certainly isn’t the only one. In fact, in my experience, it isn’t the one most professionals practice.
Selling is not about pressure.
It’s about being of service — helping someone make a decision that is right for them. It’s about building trust, long-term relationships and, often, friendship.
At its core, selling is a valuable, detailed conversation. It’s a thoughtful, respectful exchange where questions are asked, needs are understood, and options are explored.
Here’s a story I often share when faced with a room of new business owners who remain adamant about not selling:
Back in the ‘90s, things were so tough in my first business that I was thinking it was time to call it quits. Before I made that move, I reached out to Business Development Bank of Canada (BDC) and asked for help.
A consultant arrived and, over several days, looked at everything we were doing. When we sat down to discuss his findings, his first comment confused me. He said, “Mary Jane, you’re doing a great job.”
What? I was working too many hours, hardly paying myself, and I didn’t understand how he could arrive at that conclusion. Then he shared something that, looking back, changed my life. He said that an average salesperson sells one in 10 people they speak with, and my average at that time was one in five.
In my naivety, I had assumed I was supposed to sell everyone I spoke to. Once I understood that “no” was part of the process, all my discomfort and stress about selling disappeared.
And it also does for the owners and teams I work with.
Here’s the simple but powerful mindshift that changes everything: Allow yourself/your team to move from “I need to convince this person,” to “I need to understand what this person needs and determine whether we can help.”
This shift will change everyone’s tone of voice, their questions will become more thoughtful, and the pressure will disappear. They’ll be able to build trust and create relationships that matter.
Try this this week:
When you or your team are hesitating to sell, pause and ask:
How can I/we approach this conversation as a service rather than a sales pitch?
Focus on understanding, not convincing.
You’ll find that what once felt uncomfortable begins to feel natural, and that conversations once avoided start to move forward with greater ease.
When selling is done well, it’s about helping, not pushing.
