In our 2026 Real-Time Business Conversation Index, one respondent shared this insight:
“Colleagues have difficulty with tough conversations. I often see my colleagues take things too personally rather than focus on the facts and possible outcomes. As professionals and senior leaders, we need to lead by example and ensure we take an objective approach to problem solving and addressing issues.”
Difficult conversations arise for everyone. In this series, I’m sharing insights about these conversations and offering ideas for improving them. Your input and experience are always appreciated. We welcome your comments and feedback.
For many of us, disagreement can feel personal. Our ego, which thrives on our being right, overshadows the content of a discussion and signals us to defend ourselves and our position. When we attach a disagreement to our identity, we hear and feel rejection, and we become unable to participate in a wide-ranging discussion.
An inability to encourage and participate in disagreements results in the wrong decisions surviving long past their best-before date. Meetings can be followed by passive resistance among team members, slowing the progress of a project or task. And teams can lose access to their best thinking, their best outcomes.
How do we support ourselves and others in accepting and participating in powerful disagreements?
Consider this mindset shift:
- Start with clarifying and getting agreement on the shared outcome. A statement such as “This discussion is focused on the steps we need to take for our launch to succeed in a way that also protects our client relationships.”
- Add your ideas as theories or hypotheses. Instead of stating “This strategy won’t work,” consider “One concern I have is whether this approach could create X risk” or “I’m wondering if there is another variable we should consider.” This invites reflection and discussion rather than defensiveness.
- Support your thoughts with reasoning or evidence because, without support, your input can feel emotional or even political. You might offer examples from other projects, data or concerns about a challenging deadline. Should evidence not be immediately available to you, offer to do the research and deliver results as quickly as possible.
- Invite and encourage team members to challenge your input. This signals to everyone that this is an open discussion, that everyone’s thoughts are valued. For example: “What am I missing?” or “Does anyone see this differently?”
- Acknowledge everyone’s contribution once a decision is made. Support everyone in abandoning the notion that disagreement is personal by thanking them individually for their input and participation. It takes practice to let go of long-held behaviours. The more team members experience the value of their thoughts and ideas, the less they will react personally to disagreements.
Strong organizations and our best personal relationships are built on the ability to openly challenge ideas and each other without damaging trust.
Try This This Week:
The next time disagreement appears in a meeting, pay attention to what happens. Does anyone become defensive, immediately interrupt, rush to agreement or shut down/stop contributing?
And what about you? When someone disagrees with you, do you become more committed to defending your input or more cautious about testing it?
Instead of defending your position immediately, ask: “What concern are you seeing that I’m not considering?” This will completely change the tone of the conversation and help everyone think better together.
