When “Let’s Focus on Solutions” Isn’t Enough – Strategies for Difficult Conversations Part XIII

In our 2026 Real-Time Business Conversation Index, one respondent shared this insight:

“Colleagues have difficulty with tough conversations. I often see my colleagues take things too personally rather than focus on the facts and possible outcomes. As professionals and senior leaders, we need to lead by example and ensure we take an objective approach to problem solving and addressing issues.”

Difficult conversations arise for everyone. In this series, I’m sharing insights about these conversations and offering ideas for improving them. Your input and experience are always appreciated. We welcome your comments and feedback.

Last week’s post on creating productive conversations that could get mired in fault and blame inspired this response from a reader:

I’m curious, what about when someone really did mess up, and is avoiding personal accountability, while their actions have had a detrimental effect on a colleague (not just the work, but the colleague’s well-being)? – Alison from the UK

Below, I explore possibilities in this situation, with a caveat: I am not, and never have been, a human resources professional. I have no experience or education in this area. I am a conversationalist. In my own geeky way, I enjoy thinking about, researching, and establishing ways to make any conversation more effective. 

Challenging Teamwork

Last week’s post explored a difficult operational conversation. Alison’s query points to a challenge that is not only emotional but also, quite possibly, cultural, and definitely has a negative impact on internal relationships. 

In many cases, this situation arises from an initial problem the team has been trying to resolve. But now, the original error is no longer the biggest issue. Everyone’s ideas and input are silenced by denial, defensiveness, minimization and a refusal to acknowledge the impact of one’s actions. 

When team members sense that harm is being ignored in order to “get on with it”, resentment, disengagement and a loss of trust begin to create a much larger, ever-expanding problem. It’s a problem that needs to be addressed privately with the individual(s) involved. 

Here’s a mindset shift for these private conversations:

1. Stay objective without minimizing the impact. Start the conversation by outlining what happened, its impact, and exactly what needs to be addressed.
2. Directly and clearly name the impact. For example: “The issue here isn’t the lack of responsibility. It’s that the fallout of this mistake has significantly affected another team member.”
3. Require ownership. This isn’t about shaming; it’s about demanding accountability. Perhaps say: “Professional accountability is not a humiliation. It’s how leaders and team members acknowledge impact and participate in repair.” 
4. Ask hard questions and communicate the answers with everyone. These include: “What needs to change moving forward?”; “How do we prevent this pattern from repeating?” and “What does accountability, for everyone, look like from here?” 

You may empathize with the person(s) who messed up, but that’s not a valid reason to lower standards. Teams do not lose trust in a leader or a company because someone made a mistake. They lose trust when accountability becomes selective. 

Team members need to know that their well-being matters just as much as performance metrics. Because once team members believe harmful behaviour is tolerated, performance levels will continually decline. 

Try This This Week

Pay attention to how accountability is handled in your workplace over the next few days. Keep track of smaller incidents, such as missed deadlines, communication breakdowns, forgotten commitments or errors that put others under extra pressure. 

Then ask the question, “What became the focus?” For example, was attention given to resolving the issue or protecting the person who caused it? Was effort made to avoid any discomfort or was the impact on others clearly acknowledged? 

Finally, did accountability actually happen? Did someone take ownership? Were changes identified moving forward that would prevent the behaviour in the future? 

Studying how accountability is dealt with for smaller issues and sharing results with team members and leaders allows everyone to participate in putting structures and policies in place for when larger, perhaps more harmful, issues arise.  

A strong team makes sure that one person’s avoidance doesn’t become another person’s burden, whether operational or emotional.