Why Listening is Harder Than Talking – Conversation Principle #4

July 7, 2026|Mary Jane Copps

Listening is not hearing words; it’s giving someone your full attention.

One key finding from our 2026 Real-Time Business Conversation Index is that organizations place enormous value on real-time conversations. Yet many struggle to conduct them effectively.

This has me constantly asking, “Why?” One obvious answer relates to the most challenging aspect of our conversations: listening. 

Listening for Your Turn

Each of us has experienced, more than once, being physically present for a conversation, but mentally somewhere else. 

Envision for a moment that you are having a discussion with a friend or family member. They are talking and you can hear their words, so you must be listening, right? Not quite. Because hearing is automatic, while listening fully is a choice. 

One common example of how this occurs is when we begin to speak while the other person is still talking. We don’t want to be rude, but our brains have been busy preparing our response and it needs to be heard. 

Our conversations don’t fail because we haven’t been listening but rather because we’ve been listening for our turn.

Much of our daily lives demands speed, responsiveness, multitasking, and productivity, all of which thrive on our divided attention. Fully listening requires a vastly different set of skills: patience, focus and presence. 

For the brief moments when we are in conversation – with friends, family, team members or clients – and we really want to listen, the other person must become the centre of our universe.

Listening Instinctively Ignites Curiosity

The better our listening, the more curious we become. The more curious we become, the more questions we will ask. The more questions we ask, the more curious we become. 

“That’s a crazy idea. I don’t have time to extend conversations in this way. I’m busy.” Are you thinking this? Well done. Now you have clarity on why listening is such a challenge.

Now, think for a moment about a conversation where you need to understand a colleague’s idea, or a client’s point of view, or a prospect’s problem. All of these situations, and many more, demand both our full attention and our curiosity. 

They demand we stop thinking about time and focus on the outcome. Otherwise, rushing our conversations results in assumptions, frustration, missed opportunities, and perhaps diminished trust. 

The Mindset Shift

Let go of listening to respond. Begin listening to discover. 

While it may feel like this takes too much time, the outcomes – a finished project, a delighted client, a stronger friendship – will always be time well spent.  

Try This This Week

For one conversation each day, eliminate distractions. Put your phone away, close your laptop and focus only on the person speaking with you. And ask one follow-up question before adding your thoughts or input. This isn’t a random question. It is one that is inspired by what the other person has just shared with you.

Make your question open-ended, starting with a ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘where’, ‘how’ or ‘why’. And as I mentioned in my previous post, you can always use the universal open-ended question: “Tell me more.”

Then notice what happens. I believe you’ll discover that the most valuable parts of conversations often come after you think the other person has finished speaking.

Real-time conversation skills directly impact leadership effectiveness, customer experience, collaboration, and business growth.

As communication becomes increasingly digital, many professionals spend less time practicing and using the skills required for clear, confident and effective real-time conversations. Explore new options for improvement.

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To celebrate 20 years of The Phone Lady, we're revisiting what truly makes communication meaningful. Every second week, we'll share a bit of wisdom to remind us that small shifts in how we speak, listen, and connect make a big difference. (You'll also receive access to our Exclusive Resources, including 4 ebooks.)

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